11 and 12-Year Old Brothers Sentenced for Torture

LONDON – A pair of British children who lured two other youngsters to a secluded area and subjected them to a horrifying catalog of near-fatal abuse were sentenced to at least five years in custody Friday.

The attackers, 10 and 11 at the time, were convicted of robbing, beating, and stabbing their victims with sticks and bricks. One child, 10, had a sink thrown onto his head, while his nephew, 9, was forced to eat nettles. The violence included sexual degradation, Justice Brian Keith said during the sentencing.

The attackers suffered from a "toxic home life," according to Peter Kelson, who represents the eldest brother. Kelson said his client watched ultra-violent films like the "Saw" series, had access to pornographic DVDs, drank cider, had 10 cigarettes a day and smoked cannabis grown on his father's plot from the age of 9. Many television bulletins lingered on the sign affixed to the outside of the family's home, which read: "BEWARE OF THE KIDS." By Raphael G. Satter, Associated Press Writer

What the #%@&... I mean, yeah, they were picking on somebody their own size, but holy cannoli. Sinks to the head, eating sharp plants, these punks were sporting quite the arsenal. This is probably the most bizarre story I've ever read in my life, beating out "Green Eggs and Ham" and "James and the Giant Peach."

Valley Warrior's Movie Clip of the Week

-KG

An Apple a Day...

A few days ago in San Fransisco, Apple's chief executive Steve Jobs unveiled the company's newest lovechild: the iPad. The iPad is one of the nicest looking pieces of equipment that Apple has rolled out, and while it has extraordinary capabilties, it seems a little bit unneccessary. Many have called it, "Apple's giant phone." The battery life is 10 hours, it has a backlit LED screen, and comes with 16, 32, or 64GB of memory. The drawbacks are that there is no camera, no built-in USB ports, no HDMI port, no locking system, and no 'Flash' so many videos and graphics will have a little bit of trouble being displayed.

Basically, if I were to rip the screen apart from the keyboard on this Macbook I was using right now, and install the same components as an iTouch, I'd be in better shape. Yeah, the thing looks awesome, but it just sounds to me like someone was joking around at Apple holding up a computer to their face, and next thing you know, boom. The iPad. A lot of technology we have nowadays is over-priced and mostly unnecessary to laypeople anyway, so "if you just drag 2 fingers across the screen," you can drag the iPad right into the trash bin.

Infomercial Of The Week

The fact that there was no award for the inventor of this tears me up inside. Imagine a product like this, with the immaculate selling prowess of the late Billy Mays. No ass would be safe again...

Get 'em while they're hot!

Emmanuel College: A Brief Moment in History

Emmanuel College, a budding institution of high learning in the heart of Boston, hasn't had too many events that have shaped modern American history. I suppose the closest, in physical proximity anyway, that Emmanuel has come was the Stewart-Gardner Museum heist of 1990, biggest heist in U.S. history.

In the early 1970s, a professor with his doctorate in psychology from Tufts University, taught here at Emmanuel College. His name was Dick Berggren, a professional motorist who began his career in 1967 and notched 26 victories on the track until he retired in 1981. His last race was cut short after his car rode up a dirt bank and crashed, causing over 200 spectators to scatter.

Berggren taught for nine years at Emmanuel, and his last day was most historical indeed. Upon walking out to his driveway in the morning, he noticed that the only available vehicle he had to take to work was his truck, which still had his race car attached to the back. He did not have enough time to unhitch the car, so he drove it to the faculty parking lot at Emmanuel. The car was covered and mud, and covered in racing decals and advertisements, like most race cars are. Apparently, this didn't sit well with the school president at the time. She called Berggren into her office, explained that he needed to remove the car, and he promptly quit.

"I knew right then and there that my academic career and my racing didn't go together anymore," said Berggren. "I felt I could always go back to academia."

The real reason that this is so important to our nation's history, is because this decision by Berggren allowed him to star as himself in the classic film, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

If that wasn't his ultimate goal to begin with, then Dick Berggren must've been one lucky bastard.

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WHO DAT?

Listen up, sports fans. As everyone knows, yesterday was a great day for the National Football League. The Jets finally lost, Brett Favre was carried off the field, and... who dat in the Super Bowl?!?

Both were great games to watch, but I just feel bad for the refs of the NFC Championship who had to go home and tell their wives that they were screwing everyone at that game. They were throwing flags like Dennis Quaid throws himself into terrible movies.

I think the most ridiculous thing about today's action was the Madden 2010 simulation of both match-ups. Why? Because the final scores were a combined touchdown with the extra point off. Combined. A Madden 2010 game engine, simulated these two games before they happened, and the results were 31-17 for the Jets-Colts, and 34-31 for the Vikings-Saints. Now, i know there's really no relevance in these games, they're just video games, but that's pretty wacky, so let me enjoy this.