NASCAR Is Ruining America

Alright, sports fans. So this is something that has been on my mind for a while. I've been a fan of most sports for all my life, and I've played my fair share. Sports like tennis and curling have grown on me more than I could ever imagine. But look, one "sport" I could never, and will never understand is NASCAR. Now don't get me wrong, I can play Mario Kart or Need For Speed for hours on end, but to me, that's the only acceptable form of racing. All I'm saying is, NASCAR could potentially be ruining America.

Now, if you're a NASCAR fan, you've stopped reading. If you have a brain in your skull, you're right with me. I'm not even really mad about the whole 'going in circles 300 to 500 times in a row,' its just that there are certain parts to the sport that get to me. First and foremost, calling the drivers "athletes." Jimmie Johnson has won 4 Sprint Cup Championships, in just over 200 starts. Hey, I've gone out to the grocery store or to the gas station over 200 times, and I've come back in first every time, not that difficult. The real problem is that this is telling kids, hey, you can be an athlete just by sitting in a car all afternoon. My stellar Mario Kart record doesn't make me an athlete. Hell, if anything it makes me a loser.

Speaking of losers, everyone knows about the whole BP oil rig catastrophe in the Gulf Coast. I mean, we fought a war overseas and are still fighting down the street for the cost of oil. I can't tell you how many times I turn on the news or just listen to some friends talk about how the gas prices are ridiculous, and 'what'll happen when we run out?!" Look it, people... I've never been big on math, but here's what we're going to do. We'll assume that the average number of laps in a NASCAR race is about 400 laps, with a field of 43 cars Take an average 17.75-gallon tank in the car, with about 4-5 miles per gallon.

17.75 x 4.5 = 79.875 miles per one full tank during a race.

400 / 79.875 = 5.007 pit stops for gas during a race.

5 x 17.75 = 88.75 gallons per car, per race.

88.75 x 43 = 3,816.25 gallons of gas per NASCAR event

We'll take the number of races in the Sprint Cup Series season to get our grand total.

3,816.25 x 36 = 137,385 gallons of gas used in a season.

And that's just one particular racing season. Nevermind the other God-knows-how-many divisions or whatever you want to call them. I mean, I love country music and an ice cold beer as much as the next guy, but do I love America more than than watching colorful numbered cars race around an oval for what seems like an eternity? You're damn right I do. We cut down on NASCAR, and we cut down global warming, the oil crisis, devastation in the rainforests, and world hunger.

Emmanuel College: A Brief Moment in History

Emmanuel College, a budding institution of high learning in the heart of Boston, hasn't had too many events that have shaped modern American history. I suppose the closest, in physical proximity anyway, that Emmanuel has come was the Stewart-Gardner Museum heist of 1990, biggest heist in U.S. history.

In the early 1970s, a professor with his doctorate in psychology from Tufts University, taught here at Emmanuel College. His name was Dick Berggren, a professional motorist who began his career in 1967 and notched 26 victories on the track until he retired in 1981. His last race was cut short after his car rode up a dirt bank and crashed, causing over 200 spectators to scatter.

Berggren taught for nine years at Emmanuel, and his last day was most historical indeed. Upon walking out to his driveway in the morning, he noticed that the only available vehicle he had to take to work was his truck, which still had his race car attached to the back. He did not have enough time to unhitch the car, so he drove it to the faculty parking lot at Emmanuel. The car was covered and mud, and covered in racing decals and advertisements, like most race cars are. Apparently, this didn't sit well with the school president at the time. She called Berggren into her office, explained that he needed to remove the car, and he promptly quit.

"I knew right then and there that my academic career and my racing didn't go together anymore," said Berggren. "I felt I could always go back to academia."

The real reason that this is so important to our nation's history, is because this decision by Berggren allowed him to star as himself in the classic film, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

If that wasn't his ultimate goal to begin with, then Dick Berggren must've been one lucky bastard.