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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

NASCAR Is Ruining America

Alright, sports fans. So this is something that has been on my mind for a while. I've been a fan of most sports for all my life, and I've played my fair share. Sports like tennis and curling have grown on me more than I could ever imagine. But look, one "sport" I could never, and will never understand is NASCAR. Now don't get me wrong, I can play Mario Kart or Need For Speed for hours on end, but to me, that's the only acceptable form of racing. All I'm saying is, NASCAR could potentially be ruining America.

Now, if you're a NASCAR fan, you've stopped reading. If you have a brain in your skull, you're right with me. I'm not even really mad about the whole 'going in circles 300 to 500 times in a row,' its just that there are certain parts to the sport that get to me. First and foremost, calling the drivers "athletes." Jimmie Johnson has won 4 Sprint Cup Championships, in just over 200 starts. Hey, I've gone out to the grocery store or to the gas station over 200 times, and I've come back in first every time, not that difficult. The real problem is that this is telling kids, hey, you can be an athlete just by sitting in a car all afternoon. My stellar Mario Kart record doesn't make me an athlete. Hell, if anything it makes me a loser.

Speaking of losers, everyone knows about the whole BP oil rig catastrophe in the Gulf Coast. I mean, we fought a war overseas and are still fighting down the street for the cost of oil. I can't tell you how many times I turn on the news or just listen to some friends talk about how the gas prices are ridiculous, and 'what'll happen when we run out?!" Look it, people... I've never been big on math, but here's what we're going to do. We'll assume that the average number of laps in a NASCAR race is about 400 laps, with a field of 43 cars Take an average 17.75-gallon tank in the car, with about 4-5 miles per gallon.

17.75 x 4.5 = 79.875 miles per one full tank during a race.

400 / 79.875 = 5.007 pit stops for gas during a race.

5 x 17.75 = 88.75 gallons per car, per race.

88.75 x 43 = 3,816.25 gallons of gas per NASCAR event

We'll take the number of races in the Sprint Cup Series season to get our grand total.

3,816.25 x 36 = 137,385 gallons of gas used in a season.

And that's just one particular racing season. Nevermind the other God-knows-how-many divisions or whatever you want to call them. I mean, I love country music and an ice cold beer as much as the next guy, but do I love America more than than watching colorful numbered cars race around an oval for what seems like an eternity? You're damn right I do. We cut down on NASCAR, and we cut down global warming, the oil crisis, devastation in the rainforests, and world hunger.

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