Look Who's Back

I'm aware this is about the 4th time I've had a post stating that we're back in action, but school's out, and we don't have much else to do.

For those of you who missed the celebrity birthday updates, funny videos, Sox and Bruins features, or wrestling promos (nevermind the dozens of other pieces we serve up daily,) dry your tears and keep scrolling up the page.

I'm living in Boston working at Fenway Park this summer, and Ben is back in Maine, currently hunting down a job since he graduated less than a week ago, so follow us in our journey to greatness.

Penis Missing!?!

TIME.com - Did someone sabotage the Egyptian king's mummy to hide his less-than endowed genitalia? A new report from The New Scientist presents the possibility of a anatomical conspiracy.

Earlier this year, scientists speculated the cause of famed King Tutankhamen's death to be due to a bone disorder and a bad case of malaria, but just last week a group of German researchers overruled that diagnosis. Instead, they say the 19-year-old pharaoh suffered from sickle-cell anemia, a genetic abnormality in red blood cells that ultimately causes organ failure.

While researching the new prognosis for The New Scientist,journalist Jo Marchant uncovered another proposed ailment of Tut's. A letter published in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggests that Tut could also have suffered from Antley-Bixler syndrome, a genetic mutation that yields strange physical effects, such as elongated skulls and even under-developed genitalia. (Some researchers support the theory and use artistic depictions of Tut and his relatives, often show with elongated faces, as proof.)

Egypt's chief archaeologist Zahi Hawass dismisses the theory, claiming that Tut was, in fact, well-developed. However, as Marchant points out, Tut's penis is no longer attached to the body. After some digging, Marchant was able to confirm that the king's genitalia was attached to the mummy during its first unwrapping in 1922, meaning the postmortem castration likely occurred in modern times. Interestingly, Tut's penis was declared missing in 1968 until a CT scan discovered it hidden in the sand that surrounded the mummy.

This evidence has lead some, including Marchant to believe that Tut's penis was swapped sometime after his body was embalmed, suggesting a conspiracy existed to save him from embarrassment of the locker room variety, even in the afterlife.


Ah, the age old tale of 'where did the penis go?' Seriously though, this is some bizarre shit. I read this and all I could say was 'are you kidding me.' King Tut's penis went missing OR perhaps he had a tiny dick. My favorite part of this whole story was when Zahi Hawass, some "famed archeologist" immediately dismissed accusations that Tut's member was small but was in fact, "well-developed". I'm not sure how decaying bodies and mummification work but wouldn't his junk be fairly decomposed? Unless Zahi was giving Tut's dead member HJ's and ZJ's while the lights were out how does he know his member was so well-developed.

I think the real story should be how this necrophiliac has a job while my ass is still unemployed.

As if that wasn't good enough the story continues about some crazy conspiracy where Tut was unwrapped and then his dick was there but then it was gone...and then it was in the sand but some people think someone replaced it and is now running around the streets with his dick probably tied around their neck. Like WTF people... This is some serious shit. Can someone call up Michael Moore and get him to reveal this terrible case of whodunnit in a documentary?!

Reasons Why Emma Watson Would Date Me

I'm back at it folks, and just like Michael Jordan's triumphant return to the NBA in 95', I plan on securing the equivalent of that in blogger rings. You may be asking yourself several questions during my hiatus, such as, 'where have you been?', 'who are you?,' and 'please tell me your single.'

We'll get to that later, but first ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you I have seen the heights of Everest, drank tea with the Dhali Lama, and pondered all of life's questions with the world's finest buddhist monks. What I have come to discover through these introspective activities, are several reasons as to why Emma Watson would date me. Please excuse this post due to the fact my head is so clouded with Harry Potter after I recently pounded out all 6 movies within two days. So with out further adieu here they are.

First and foremost, I generally start my day around 2pm with a little wake and shake or two, I do this without breaking a sweat so she already knows I'm the man. Ladies you like that stuff, right? Next I bowl a solid 250 on Wii Bowling stomping out any competition, being my grandmother or direct family members. Finally, I could cast any spell or recite any lines from the books or movies, that's gotta be some bonus points. If all these don't do it for her, I still feel I have a chance after recently creeping on her to find out her recent boyfriend is an absolute vagina .

So what do you think? Do I have a shot at love?