"Religion Is A Lot Like A Credit Card..."

Meet Kyle Kinane, stand-up comedian. I understand the video is 14 minutes long, but trust me, stick with it.

First off, he's absolutely right, now that I think of it. Grab life by the horns, sure, but keep it above the belt, and I think you'll be fine every time. And as far as religion is concerned, isn't that the argument of every pretentious 20-something year old who just discovered its cool to disown religion? Classic.

Finally, the pizza bit is absolutely hilarious. The whole time he was talking about it, I tried to imagine a pizza that big, and its absolutely ridiculous that someone actually makes that. 4 and a half feet by 4 and a half feet. What do you do with that? Imagine how many people could eat that one piece, and how many people would be assholes and snatch up the crust pieces so you're left with the greasy floppy middle pieces? I guess not that it would matter, since there's 18 feet of crust pieces, really...

Thanks to Bill for the link.

Best Bathroom Graffiti?

Thanks to Aaron Fatato for the photo.

I mean, there isn't much to say about this photograph. You just have the basic two elements to any bathroom graffiti to ponder.

Who goes into a bathroom that's not in a school building, ready to go with a permanent marker? and

Who felt so strongly about their opinion of Toy Story 2 they needed to post it very high up in a bathroom stall? I mean, out of the three, it is the weakest link. It still got its 100% on Rottentomatoes.com, but then again, what animated movie these days doesn't? Serious bias going on. Anyway, to the man who wrote this...I commend you.

This Guy

This week's 'This Guy' is this giant clown from whatever precinct somewhere in this free country. Dude doesn't know the anthem, and to make things worse, literally sounds like someone put to much into a blender but has it on full speed anyway.

Good Luck

Try Not To Laugh Challenge - Watch more Funny Videos
Just try not to laugh, let me know how it goes for you.

Dude's Got Moves

Boom! complete yard sale after an attempted crip walk / light jog. Listen guy your not fooling anyone over here at the weekend and your just looking foolish rolling around on that tred mill. You gotta give this guy an A+ for effort though I mean he tries to salvage whats left of his dignity by playing it off and trying to dance again.

Quick side note, where the hell is that other guys computer chair and I'm real curious as to where that move was heading and if it would have been cool had he not ate it.

Mr and Mrs Tumnus Have Lost Their Minds

YahooNews.com - HELENA, Mont. – Two young goats wandered onto the thin ledge of a railroad bridge and spent nearly two days high above the ground until rescuers in a towering cherry picker plucked them from their perch, hungry but safe.

The rescue occurred Wednesday 60 feet above a little-trafficked rural roadway in southern Montana between Billings and Roundup, after a caller told the Rimrock Humane Society the goats were stranded on the 6-inch ledge.

The young female animals weighing 25 and 35 pounds mostly stayed on the angled ledge, even though there was a wider surface area on a pillar just a few feet away.

"The whole time, we thought they were going to fall off," said Sandy Church, humane society president. "These guys are just babies."

Church said it wasn't clear how the nimble-footed animals got into the predicament, but she speculated they wandered onto the ledge at night then froze after the sun rose and they discovered where they were.


So many questions, so few answers. Like, are these those crazy goats that just go into shock when they get scared? What in the world would they want to go out on a cement ledge for? And last time I checked the sun doesn't pull a fast one on Earth when it starts rising, so how the goats weren't able to see that they were chillin' on a 6-inch ledge is beyond me.

I've never personally talked to a goat, so I don't know what a typical goat mentality is, but the Tumnus's seem to have just gone absolutely crazy. And, they were there for 2 days, so clearly it got dark another time after they were on there. Just another case of how people will do anything to get on TV. Get real, goats, I hope you enjoyed your 5 minutes of fame.

The Best Advice You'll Ever Get

Dear Impressionable Minds,

As the one year anniversary of my graduation has come and gone and I return to the hallowed halls of academia (courtesy of a redeye flight, 1 layover, and an over-priced plane ticket), I find myself thinking of what specific articles of knowledge I would not be graced with had I not taken the leap in to higher knowledge (and an exciting leap in to debt at a low fixed interest rate.)

Freshman year is an incredible time in a student's life. A year full of ambition, hope, confidence, virginity, and many other things certain to be crushed by mid-terms. These exciting first few weeks offer the opportunity for new friends, budding romances, and experiences of a life time. But before you fill yourself up on too much over-priced cafeteria delights, allow me to share some things that I learned in an effort to save you some time:

*. Take a mental note of your "bros" and "girls" that you'll be heading to a party with this weekend; if you're still hanging out with more than half of them : congratulations. You have defied odds; and other people are probably talking shit about how weird you all are (don't worry, the shit talking holds true for 95% of what I'm about to say. I'm leaving most of it out going forward so that you don't have to feel like I'm as disappointed in you as your parents are for not going their alma mater(s). You wouldve looked like a queer in those colors anyway).

*. That girl down the hall that you think is flirting with you is not. She's using you because she hopes you know an upper-classman who you can convince to buy her a $8 handle of booze. Ps she's probably banging your roommate.

*. Playing (insert game console of choice) everytime you're not in class makes you a loser. Having your door open while you're doing it only makes things worse. Go make yourself a cocktail and study in the library. (What? You never rewarded yourself for studyIng?)

*. Pay attention to how long your laundry cycles last. If you come back and your shits on the ground or on top of the washer: its no ones fault but your own. Just be thankful that it hasn't been urinated on (College kids are fucking disgusting).

*. Don't be afraid to make friends with the cleaning crew that you see in the mornings, you never know when you'll need a favor. They essentially have keys to every door on campus: this can be helpful.

*. If you don't plan on going to grad school, your GPA and major is practically irrelevant once you graduate. "C's get degrees."

These little nuggets of truth can hopefully get you on the path to enlightment. I hope you all take note of this information as it may get you further than the douche bag down the hall who things everyone wants to listen to the same music that he does. Now on the flipside, if you found my suggestions lame and inapplicable: I couldn't care less. I can actually afford to buy Grey Goose; I don't need to run the aforementioned $8 handle through a brita filter to make it taste less like rubbing alcohol.

With that being said, I wish you best of luck in your future endeavors and hope to see you among the ranks of recent college graduates who hate their jobs.


Hugs and kisses,

Uncle Jeff

Wrestler Promo of the Week

Well, well, well if it isnt the baddest duo in America the slickster and Akheem. Get with the times people "Mooooonnnnneeeeyyyy is just what its all about" and there is a new sheriff and deputy in town now. This gruesome two some will be jiving all the way to the bank with that fresh ass move Akheem was rocking. I'm gonna have to add the right arm wiggle into my repertoire from here on out. When I mix that with the stanky leg and the dougie its game over baby.

Saco River, Plan Your Trip Now

So for the 3 of you who have been asking themselves "where the hell has Ben been this past week or so" cool your jets there is an explanation. First off I have been working my ass off on toilet bowl patrol out at a camp just cleaning them babies like no other. You could honestly eat a 3 course meal off any toilet I clean, guaranteed. But the point of this post isn't to dwell on the shit work I do, its to tell you to plan a Saco River trip before the summer slips out of grasp.

That shit was insane. People cracking beers as soon as they wake up, funneling, ripping shots left and right, and a whole other smorgasbord of partying related behavior. Needless to say when I got home today I was inches from death and pooping straight charcol. At one point I swear I was picking fire ash out of my ears and nose and to my recollection I did not pass out in a fire. It's going to take a lot more then a weekend on the Saco to kill me though so from here on out I'm back at it so buckle up and get ready for the ride weekenders its go time!

Don't F*** With The Bieb

Raaaaaaaandy Declares War on Justin Bieber from Aziz Ansari

All this YouTube success, millions of teenage girl fans all over the world, and this is how he get there... Unreal

Ridiculous

So I'm flipping around the internet, looking for some stuff to bring back to Blog City, and I came across a few things. One is the picture above, and its only funny if you say it in the right voice, like you are just disappointed at the coffee.

Two, was downright hilarious. It was a thread started by someone named "Seletka" on whatever website. There were 913 posts following it, all responding to Seletka's inquiry. The posts title is "Book Rental Service?" And here's what the post reads...

"was just thinking. my sister does -alot- of reading, and she spends like $1000 a year on just books alone. most of them she reads once then never looks at again. is there any kind of like...video rental store for books? would make things alot cheaper, plus once one person has read one the next person can get enjoyment from it etc"

I'm literally praying someone was kidding when they wrote that...please?

Infomercial Of The Week

"Everything you do now, with your remote, moving your remote around, will be picked up by that sensor."

I don't think you need a sensor to pick that serve up, partner...

This is What Golf is All About!

I never really got into golf just to slow paced for this ADHD kid. However this is exactly what I would hope for if i was out on the course. Someone finally taking initiative to make the game a little less boring and bring some classic humor into the mix.

What is your next play if your those old guys? I think I would have just laughed my ass off I mean its not like Neil Armstrong is going to be holding you up for that long, come on. These grumpy old men felt different apparently and tried to bash an American hero's head in. He was probably mid that's one small step for man speech when he saw that 9 iron swinging for his dome piece. Listen he isn't tiger woods stop trying to beat the shit out of him with clubs.

This Weekend's Poll Winner

Carl Spackler, the assistant greenskeeper, everybody. Great choice for this Weekend's poll winner.

"Cinderella Story..."

Strut That Ass

If this guy wants to have a strut off its on, I'm well versed in the art of strutting so watch out bro I'll destroy you. Just line us up on the high way and see who can strut for more miles now that would be some good t.v.!

Dispute our differences I have to say this guy is right it is a chauvinistic pig attitude that Clinton's got about strutting that ass. I mean seriously he is all in our face all the time just strutting that ass showing off, give it a break buddy we get it you can strut.

That being said I watched this video several times and I'm still not sure what he is so mad about. He starts off saying it has something to do with running everywhere so he will walk then he mentions he hates people driving in there benz, I just cant get on the same page with hombre. It could have something to do with the fact I'm still mesmerized by his cigarrette throw in disgust at the end there.

"You'll be so god damn fucking tired!!!"

Valley Warriors Move Clip of the Week

"You're not suppose to drink the bong water!"

-KG

Dragon Facts

Readers be warned, you are now about to enter the uncanny mind of Giant Ryan.......

Dragon Fact Intro and Fact #1

The Dragon is a majestic and mysterious creature. Little was known about these ferocious animals until a recent government document was released and the surprising information made it's way to the public.
These are the facts... The Dragon facts.

Dragon Fact #1

There are 78 different breeds of dragons. 54% of these dragons will be raped in their lifetime by friends or close relatives.



Bonus: Dragon fact #2

Dragons have laser eyes, but can only use them post coitus


Blog by Ryan.

Funky Monkeys Are Coming

Hey take it easy, your on third street. I cant get enough this roller coaster of emotion that this guy takes us on. At first he is all inquisitive and shit, I have never seen a man so truly interested in skateboarding, sold that act 100%. Then Bam! gears shift and he starts preaching about space movies he makes and his company, Bellamafia-QuackafellaRecords IncoporatedBy-RhymeSyndicate-3yellowmen-TrillioinaireClub. Whom I actually have seen a few of their space films and I gotta say, shits on point. Then just when you think it can't get any more un-real he pops it into another gear of pure craziness. All around wonderful performance.

But I mean this shits for real, this guy is thinking Big, taking over the world and creating another porno/contraceptive porn label all at once. I haven't personally seen any of Butt Naked Wonda Big Brotha Thunda and the Masta blasta's work, but I hear its a work of art and terrifies little boys into never having sex again.

P.S. I hear his up coming space motion picture is a BIG nut bust. Eat our shit and suck our dick!

Hot v. Not: Summer 2010 Edition

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Don't call it a comeback. After an unannounced, unplanned, and probably unnoticed hiatus, I have returned to the Weekend to bring a little firepower with Jon out of town. Keep your eyes peeled for more posts from me in the future... I'd like to think I bring a little pizazz to the table.

Without further ado... here is your Hot v. Not for the sweltering summer of 2010. Look no further for advice on how to stay cool, pun intended.

Hot___________________________________________NOT

Kid Cudi__________________________________Billy the Kid

Drunk History____________________Any Other Kind of History

Miley (Can't Be Tamed)_______________Miley (Nobody's Perfect)

Blogging_____________________________________Flogging

Paul the Oracle Octopus__________________Pete the Blind Squid

Inception___________________________________Conception

the7dayweekend.blogspot.com_______worldsmostboringwebsite.com

The Bieber_____________________________The Angry Beavers

Jacob________________________________________Edward

Icing____________________________________________Ice

Lebron_______________________________________Lebron

Silly Bandz_________________________Nickleback Cover Bands

Jeggings________________________________________Jorts

Toy Story 3____________________________Walt Disney's Head

That's it for now. Real talk.

Dolph Lundgren

Taken from "Showdown in Little Tokyo," a thoroughly enjoyable over-the-top buddy cop romp. I ask you, is there a better actor, nay, a better human being, than Dolph Lundgren?