Celts Hop On The Diesel Train For The Win, 89-83

Sloppy game from the Celtics tonight at the Garden, but they managed to pull off the 89-83 comeback victory over the New Jersey Nets. Shaquille 'The Big Shamroq' O'Neal led the team with 25 points tonight, a huge season-high, and snatched up 11 rebounds.

Rajon Rondo and his 14.3 assists per game sat out tonight for the third straight time due to a grumpy hamstring, and LeBron's stepdad is now out indefinitely. Delonte West broke his wrist on a layup attempt in the second quarter tonight, no word on when he'll be back.

The Celtics move to 11-4, an Eastern Conference best, and will play the Toronto Raptors at home on Friday.

Shaq Nicknames

So we all know The Diesel needs a new nickname in his new city. The frontrunner looks to be Green Monstah, athough Shaq has said he is a big fan of Green Shamrock.

Talking to my friend JD, we may have discovered the best option.

The Boston Shaqathon.

The Newest Celtic

This is probably the greatest thing since sliced bread. The Diesel Train is pulling into North Station.

Shaquille O'Neal signed a deal with the Boston Celtics. So what questions remain? How will Shaq be used on the team? How will he fit in with the team chemistry? And most importantly...What is his new nickname going to be? In honor of this, I present another video. The Top 10 Best Shaq Quotes.

Ron Artest Sucks At Life

Here it is folks: "Ron Artest - Champions" AKA 'Nails on a Chalkboard'

First off Ronny, Shaq is the only Laker allowed to rap. Period. That being said, I hate everything about this guy except when he punched that fan in the face, pretty entertaining. There is a whole laundry list of problems with this video.

First, being that it just sucks. Second, its shot with some handy-cam and is mad shaky, and third, there are legit no chicks just getting buck wild. Everyone knows that the most wild rap videos have 'video hoes.' Its just Rap Video 101. Not only have you not incorporated these 'video hoes,' you subsequently hurt the economy by not employing these hard working ladies.

Also whats the deal with homie in the back seat who I think sings the chorus. Pretty sure I could kick a field goal between the gap in his teeth, or is he just missing a tooth?

I guarentee that no Celtics player would have done this bullshit if we won banner number 18, which we will next year. Dude's head is so big right now that's probably why the whole video was basically just him lip-syncing in his car.

AYOO AYOO AYOO!!!

F.Y.E.

Straight out of Love Shaq University and into your lives via the medium of Owl City. If there has been any music video this good since 'Escape' by Enrique, I demand to know.

The Sum Of All Fears

Dear 7 Day Weekenders,

For many years, I have been constantly pestered to explain my phobia, which some people claim is “irrational”. To this I say, with all due respect- those people are stupid. But because you read this blog, I know you are not stupid, and therefore, I will enlighten you as to my one and only fear, and as to why all intelligent people should share it:

Horses. I am afraid of horses.

If you are now sitting at your computer laughing, giggling, even smiling, then you are dumb and we are no longer friends. But for those of you who aren’t, read on.

Horses are terrifying. Every horse is incredibly muscular and massive; even the smallest ones are the size of large humans, and the largest ones are approximately 15 times that of a man. Even Shaq. A Clydesdale makes Shaq look like a baby. Forgive me if I don’t like when Shaq looks like a baby.

Horses also have enormous, harder than steel feet. That’s scientifically proven. One kick from one of these babies and you’ve got a hole right through your chest. It would be like Ray Lewis driving a Ford F-150 that’s got a battering ram on the front through your sternum. One kick.

Beyond horses' physical stature and appearance (THEY HAVE EYES ON EITHER SIDE OF THEIR HEADS SO THEY CAN SEE ALL ATTACKERS), possibly the most frightening thing about them is what they are capable of. Horses are astonishingly fast; good luck running away from a horse that has decided to squash your head like a grape with its brick-sized teeth. And yet, our fellow humans insist on RIDING horses... and hitting them with whips! That’s just great; let’s get them all riled up.

Luckily for us, horses are just as stupid as the people who don’t fear them. That is the only reason that the human race remains in charge. So let us all pray together that horses don’t rise up in revolt someday.

But when they do, be prepared for me to say I told you so.