Birthday Shout-Out(s)

May 31 is a huge day for celebrity births. First and foremost, Dave Roberts. I still get chills watching The Steal.

Brooke Shields, Colin Farrell, Jim Craig, Clint Eastwood, Jake Peavy, the late Johnny Paycheck, Walt Whitman, Joe Namath and Nate Robinson all share today as their birthday. Happy birthday, everybody.

What A Day

What a day in the world of baseball. 3 walk-off hits, 3 home runs by the best hitter in baseball, 14 strikeouts by a Tiger, a hit streak extended to 54 games, and the best pitcher in baseball getting even better.

Ryan Zimmerman hit his 100th career home run, and it looked like the Washington Nationals were poised to take the series from the San Diego Padres (who were wearing the best looking jerseys in all of sports). In the 11th inning, Nats' second baseman Adam Kennedy fired a ball into the Padres' dugout, allowing Lance Zawadzki to advance to second base, opening the door for pinch-hitter, Nick Hundley. He smacked a 2-2 pitch into left, scoring Zawadzki for the game winner.

Coming just a day after the bizarre ankle injury during Kendry Morales' walk-off celebration, Howard Kendrick was able to provide some more fireworks out in Anaheim. Trailing 7-3 after 5 innings to the Seattle Mariners, the Los Angeles Angels mounted an impressive comeback, capped by Kendrick's 3-run walk-off blast to give them the victory, 9-7.

A real see-saw match out by the Bay between the San Fransisco Giants and Arizona Diamondbacks was ended by Andres Torres' RBI single in the 10th frame. Torres went 4-6 in the game, and helped give Arizona their seventh loss in a row.

He's back. After a rough power shortage, Albert Pujols has been re-charged. Hitting two home runs in 97 at-bats in all of May, three more on the last day was a good way to end it. He scored four runs in his fourth career three-homer game. The St. Louis Cardinals housed the Chicago Cubs yesterday afternoon, 9-1.

Max Scherzer, fresh off the plane from Triple-A Toledo pitched a career high 14 Ks for the Detroit Tigers against the Oakland Athletics. Even with the two perfect games, 14 strikeouts is where the bar is now set.

Another dominating performance came out of Boston this afternoon. The best pitcher in baseball, Jon Lester was in true from again for the Red Sox against the Kansas City Royals. Lester won his sixth start in a row, giving the home team 7 innings, and allowing 4 hits and a run while striking out 5. David Ortiz also homered for the 10th time this month in the 8-1 Sox victory.

If there were a College Baseball Fantasy League, whoever owned Garrett Wittels would be cleaning house. With another two hits today, Wittels increased his streak to 54 straight games. Wittels is only a sophomore at Florida International University.

This Guy

Courant.com - HARTFORD A man was injured Sunday evening when he drove his Audi A4 into the side of Trinity Episcopal Church's office wing on Sigourney Street, police said.

The man in the car, whose name was not available, was seen revving the car over and over in the parking lot of the neighboring Ahern funeral home, at Sigourney Street and Farmington Avenue, about 6:15 p.m.

Kevin Brookman, who was about to put a steak on his grill, said he heard the driver loudly revving the car and thought he might blow the engine. "All of a sudden he threw it in drive and just went full speed," Brookman said.

The car jumped a curb that separates the funeral home parking lot from the church driveway, and then slammed into the church. There was no apparent damage to the church building, although a building inspector was summoned. There were no brake marks either.

What in the world could this guy have been thinking? It clearly wasn't a car malfunction, or him falling asleep, or anything. It was a deliberate attempt to recreate the very end of the final chase scene in 'Gone in Sixty Seconds.' You know, when Nic Cage jumps over like 80 million cars for the epic getaway? Look maybe the Church owed him money or something, and he thought this would be a good way to get it back, but this is just your classic case of some lost marbles.

Rate the New World Cup Ball

Yahoo! Sports - Several players are going all out against the new World Cup ball, with more than one comparing it to those bought at a supermarket.

And this time it’s not only goalkeepers who are complaining. Strikers, defenders and midfielders are also lashing out at the Adidas ball just a few days before the monthlong tournament is to begin in South Africa.

The ball is called Jabulani, which means “to celebrate” in isiZulu, but not many are celebrating it so far. It’s hard to find a player who is happy with it, and those who don’t like it are not saving adjectives to describe their feelings.

“It’s very weird,” Brazil striker Luis Fabiano said Sunday. “All of a sudden it changes trajectory on you. It’s like it doesn’t want to be kicked. It’s incredible, it’s like someone is guiding it. You are going to kick it and it moves out of the way. I think it’s supernatural, it’s very bad. I hope to adapt to it as soon as possible, but it’s going to be hard.”

Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar on Saturday called the ball “terrible” and was the first to compare it to those plastic ones bought on a supermarket. Italy striker Giampaolo Pazzini said the same thing, calling it a “disaster.”

“It moves so much and makes it difficult to control. You jump up to head a cross and suddenly the ball will move and you miss it,” Pazzini said. “It is especially bad for the goalkeepers if it means they concede a goal because they can’t judge the trajectory.”

Adidas traditionally launches new balls for each World Cup and they usually cause controversy because of the changes prompted by the new technology being introduced. Most of the time the ball becomes speedier and goalkeepers are the ones most affected by it. But this time the livelier ball is causing problems to field players, too.

“There is no way to hide it,” Brazil midfielder Julio Baptista said. “It’s bad for the goalkeepers and it’s bad for us. It’s really bad. The players try to cross it and it goes to the opposite direction they intended it to go.”

Spain goalkeeper Iker Casillas also expressed his anger at the design of the ball after the European champion’s 3-2 friendly win over Saudi Arabia on Saturday.

“It’s sad that that such an important competition like the World Cup has such an important element like this ball of appalling condition,” he said.

Hey, tell us how you really feel, guys. I mean, I have to agree. After seeing the ball from the 2006 World Cup, I think adidas needs to relax. Yeah, they look cool, but they really do feel like they're coated in plastic, and just don't feel natural. But hey, the people are buying them, so I guess you can't really point the finger at them. It is rather unfortunate that the players have to deal with it, but everyone has to make the adjustment, not just a few of them, so get over it.

South Africa: Pool D

Gotta' be honest here, with the exception of Germany and maybe Netherlands, in the next two pools, I'm not really too sure or concerned with who else is going to move on. But I'm gonna give you my opinions anyway, and hopefully you like them. If not, then that's cool too, you bastards. Pool D. Germany will own. It's Serbia's first year of competing without Montenegro. And in my mind its a toss-up between Australia and Ghana, but with Ghana taking a serious hit from the absence of Michael Essien, I'm not so confident in how they'll fare.

Germany
Australia
Serbia
Ghana

Since 1954, the first year they won the Cup, Germany has exited in the second round once, the quarterfinals three times, and the other seven appearances with at least a 4th place finish. Polish-born striker Lukas Podolski (72 caps, 37 goals) will attack alongside Miroslav Klose (95, 48) whom would prove formidable against any defense in the world. Klose's teammate on Bayern Munich, Bastian Schweinsteiger (74, 19) is Germany's third leading international scorer who will hit the pitch alongside a very young midfield corps. DF Philipp Lahm (64,3) has assumed the role of captain in the stead of injured FW Michael Ballack, and will lead a veteran defensive unit that features four players with over 30 caps. The Germans came in a tough third place in the last World Cup, after finishing as the runners-up in 2002.

The Socceroos are always an interesting team to take a look at. This will be their third World Cup appearance all-time, with last year's exit coming in the Round of 16. They're a more experienced team, with the average age being 28 years old. Captain DF Lucas Neill (54,0) will lead the defense, against some quick and strong attacks in this pool. Controlling the ball at midfield will be key in these matchups, and with players like Brett Emerton (72, 17), leading goal scorer Tim Cahill (38, 19) and Marco Bresciano (53, 11), Australia has put themselves in a solid position. Australia seems to be lacking in their attack, but they are a determined team who plan on jumping on the back of veteran striker Harry Kewell (45, 13).


This pool will provide for the most interesting uninteresting games in the Cup. Of course, that's my opinion, and it's all just on paper right now. Serbia has some good players, but I just don't think they'll be able to pull it together on the world's biggest stage.

Rate the New Sox Hat

The Red Sox used third new Stars and Stripes cap for Memorial Day this year. I was a huge fan of the navy blue one that started it all three years ago, but since then they've sort of gone downhill. The red caps were a bit much, and looked absolutely awful on teams like the Pirates and Rockies. The white hats are classy, but since when do baseball players care about being classy.

I love the idea of the Stars and Stripes hats, I just don't think they need to keep changing them. Bring back the navy's.

Infomercial Of The Week

I can't say I would ever use one of these, ever. Period. Thanks for playing. I just see so many things going wrong that I can't even mention if I want to keep this a family-friendly blog, but if you're old enough, then let your mind wander.

Keep an eye out for the "big guy" at the :40 second mark...Or the lady who follows him. Oh no... But hey, a full 18 inches more of reach! Gold!

The Doctor Is In

Congratulations to Roy Halladay for pitching a perfect game last night.

Facing the Florida Marlins, Doc threw the 20th perfect game in Major League history. The Phillies won the game 1-0 behind the impressive performance. Halladay struck 11 men out, and was helped out by the Phillies defense, especially on the deep fly ball to dead center off the bat of Mike Lamb.

After the game, Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria rewarded Halladay with the pitching rubber he used to throw the latest piece of baseball history. The feat was seen by just over 25,000 fans, about 13,000 better than the attendance for Dallas Braden's perfect game. This is also the first time in the modern era of baseball that two perfect games have been thrown in one season.


Both perfect games this year have come without a Web Gem, game-saving play to make it possible. Think DeWayne Wise for Buehrle, or Jacoby Ellsbury for Jon Lester

South Africa: Pool C

I'm probably the most excited to see how this pool plays out. Got out countrymen going out against the darkhorse of the tournament in England, and two countries that I don't really see playing any sort of factor.

England
United States
Algeria
Slovenia

England has not won the Cup since 1966, but have advanced to the quarterfinals in 2002 and 2006. They will be lead by not only their captain DF Rio Ferdinand (78 caps, 3 goals) and their vice-captain MF Steven Gerrard (80, 16), but with several other strong players in their 23-man roster. World-renown striker Wayne Rooney (60, 25) has received much speculation on the health of his ankle, his knee and his groin, but assures the world he will be 100% in South Africa. He will lead the offense alongside Tottenham teammates Peter Crouch (38, 21) and Jermain Defoe (39, 11). At midfield behind Gerrard are Chelsea teammates Frank Lampard (78, 20) and Joe Cole (54, 10), as well as Manchester United standout Michael Carrick (22, 0).

The England defensive unit is led by some of the biggest names in the Premier League: Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Jamie Carragher, and Stephen Warnock.

For the United States, they're looking to make this a big year. Captained by Carlos Bocanegra (78, 12), they're a team with a lot of talent and even more heart. GK Tim Howard is one of the biggest team leaders. He has admitted that he is understandably nervous but assures his teammates and his country that his knowledge of the Premier League will come in handy.

20-year-old Jozy Altidore (25, 9) will leader the fowards for USA, and behind him will be the team's second and third leading international goal scorers in Clint Dempsey (61, 18) and DaMarcus Beasley (91, 17). Defensive powerhouse Oguchi Onyewu (53, 5) will look to shut down not only England's immense scoring threat, but will look to secure solid wins against Algeria and Slovenia.


Whenever I play FIFA, and I'm picking an International team, it's either Argentina or England. England is just such a strong team, they're hard to not pick. Early in the year, when I heard that England was playing the US, I initially told my friends I was rooting for England, because I thought the US was going to just roll over and die. I think they have the drive and the talent to be extremely successful. They do have a huge hurdle to jump over, but even if they lose, all they have to do is keep the game close, and it will give them invaluable confidence. I just hope Wayne Rooney isn't out to stomp on anyone's nuts this time around...

Go USA. Go World.

Without Further Ado...

To stall everyone while I work on my South Africa write-ups, I present to you the first 9 minutes of "Good Burger"

Fitting the Bill

Meet Bill Hall. He came into the big leagues in 2002 as a second basemen for the Milwaukee Brewers. He was also called Billy Hall in those days. Today, you can pretty much call him anything. Center, left or right fielder, second baseman or shortstop, and as of a couple days ago, pitcher.

For the first time in his career, Hall came on in relief during the ninth inning, and pitched it perfect. Of course the reason he was on was due to Wakefield's 3 2/3 inning performance in which he gave up 9 earned runs en route to a 12-5 loss. The Red Sox won tonight behind a solid performance by Clay Buchholz, and salvaged the third game of the 4-game series against the Kansas City Royals winning 1-0.


I gotta admit that I was skeptical of Hall to begin the season. In his seasons with the Brew Crew, he was about a .250 hitter, with a decent glove, just an average second baseman. He's become the ultimate utility player with the Sox thus far. But all of this is overshadowed in my mind, by the poor performance this weekend against the Royals. Why can we take 2 out of 3 from the Phillies, make the Rays cry home to their mommy's, yet the Royals and Orioles are like 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles of a clear blue sky? Either way, the Sox have moved up to 28-23 on the season, I'm happy with it. Last game of the KC series tomorrow afternoon with the best pitcher in baseball on the hill, Jon Lester.

Go Sox.

51 and Counting!

Garrett Wittles of Florida International University is on an absolute freakin' tear right now. The kid has hit in 51 straight games. He's chasing the record of 58 straight notched by Robin Ventura in his days at Oklahoma State. There are only 51 games in a season, so this kid has been en fuego since they first got goin'.

He Is... The Most Hated Man In The World

"The first thing I said was that these were two of our best teams, but the pace that they play the game was pathetic and embarrassing. But everybody, especially the New York media, blew it out of proportion and said I was calling the teams pathetic. Some people said I had no right to single them out.

"I didn't single them out. I said they were both bad."

Never has there been such a stand-out, sought after umpire in the Umpire Fantasy League than Joe West over the past two or three years. Curt Schilling once said that often times, West acts like he would rather be anywhere in the world but on the field. He was once ranked the 4th worst major league umpire...by the players.

His most recent blunder came on Wednesday, when he ejected both White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle and manager Ozzie Guillen. The ejection for Buehrle came after a second balk was called against him by West at first base. Buehrle, understandably upset, tossed his glove to the ground, and was immediately thrown from the game. Ozzie Guillen came storming out of the dugout after the ridiculous ejection, and got his money's worth out of West. In postgame comments, Buehrle said of West, "I think he's too worried about promoting his CD and I think he likes seeing his name in the papers a little bit too much instead of worrying about the rules."

So what'd Ozzie have to say?

"He's a f***ing ***hole. Sometimes he thinks f***ing people pay to watch him f***ing umpire. No matter what you say, what you do, how long you talk here, Major League Baseball doesn’t do s**t for anything."

Ozzie's exactly right. Buehrle wasn't trying to show him or, nor was he screaming over in West's direction or anything of the sort, so what the hell was West thinking. Let them play. Buehrle clearly didn't agree, so all West had to do was say, look, the way I saw it, you didn't step completely towards first. It's just because West is too dumb to think of that or to explain himself, so he took the easy way out. Mjor League Baseball is expected to issue a statement on West's possible disclipinary actions at some point today.

South Africa: Pool B

Pool B is next up. Led by one of the strongest teams in the field of 32, this pool could turn out to be interesting.

Argentina
Nigeria
South Korea
Greece

Argentina is my personal favorite for the Cup at the moment. First of all, they're led by their head coach Diego Maradona, I'm not sure if anyone has really heard of him... They haven't won it since 1986, but after making the quarterfinals in 2006 and winning the Olympic Gold Medal in 2008, I think they're an even better team for South Africa. Up top, they have one of the world's biggest stars in Lionel Messi (44 caps, 13 goals) as well as Carlos Tevez (52, 9). At the midfield, Liverpool teammates Javier Mascherano (57, 2) and Maxi Rodriguez (36, 12) anchor the corps. Mascherano has also been named captain for the Cup this year. Also for the first time since 1994, Javier Zanetti will not wear the light blue and white stripes on the pitch with his countrymen. But with a still veteran defense corps, I think Argentina will be not only one of the toughest teams to score against, but one of the toughest to stop.

South Korea has not made it out of the first round with the exception of 2002, when it was held on their home turf. I don't expect them to give anyone much trouble this time around, either. Nigeria will be playing in just their fourth World Cup, on their native continent, but they have been slipping since their 9th place finish in 1994.

Now, Greece hasn't qualified since 1994, when they lost all 3 matches in the first round, failing to score a goal. In 2004, they were victorious in the EUFA Euro Cup. Most of their current squad plays in one of Greece's football leagues, but there are a few names who will step up and try to prove themselves to the world. Angelos Charisteas has the second most caps with 83, and is the squad's leading scorer with 24 goals. He will play alongside fellow striker Theofanis Gekas (47, 20). At midfield, and leading this Greek team will be Giorgos Karagounis (92, 6). They may not look like much, but I think Greece is still a team on the rise who will surprise people.

There's no doubt in my mind that Argentina will steamroll this pool. Nigeria may get a win here, with the help of the home crowd, and Greece will have to step up on offense, which has been lacking in the past, and if they do, I think it will be their goal differential that will push them through with Argentina to the Round of 16.

Everybody Loves Links

So since I'm still jobless, I'm still putting in some serious work on the blog to try and make some money. I think that one of the essentials is having people click on things on the site, or on the advertisements. Since I know no one cares about the ads, I figured I'd help myself and you guys out by putting on a few solid links that are worth your clicks.

Scarlett takes a tumble

Jimmy Fallon - Dave Matthews GPS

One of the best mascot dunks ever

Best cry ever

Swedish Chef

"I want the gold!!!"

Australian Party Kid

"I'm President Charley!"

Lords of Dance

Maradona doin' his thing

Roberto Carlos 1 and Roberto Carlos 2

Bruins win

Well That Sucks...

So I play on the club baseball team at Emmanuel (first of all, relax, we have 1,600 kids at my school, so we only have like 6 varsity teams. Secondly, we're legit and we play teams like Harvard and BC) But anyway, another team we play is the club team from Northeastern. They could pretty much be a dominant D-II team anywhere. So our season has been done for a while, and in some exhibition games in the spring, we went 2-2. What'd Northeastern do in the spring?

Just won the National Club Baseball Championship

Unreal. Congrats, you bastards. Look forward to seeing you in the fall.

But seriously, damn good job.

The Weekend's 100th Post

Yep, it's official. We hit the century mark. Just want to thank Bill for checking this every day at work, Dianne for having it tabbed as a bookmark, Jack, Eric, Pat, Wes and Ben for the articles they've contributed, and Robert Downey Jr for using my speech ideas that I gave to him a few days before the Golden Globes. I figured I'd never win an award like that, so why let the opportunity for someone else to be hilarious and sarcastic get away?

Oh, and for anyone who isn't that impressed by the 100th post?

This Guy

This week's "This Guy?": American cyclist Floyd Landis. Coincidentally, also this week's Asshole. A few days ago, Landis made accusations that fellow countryman Lance Armstrong had been using banned performance-enhancing drugs while competing, teaching other cyclists to use drugs, and paying off racing officials, specifically those in charge of drug testing. He also told the media that Armstrong's personal trainer was one of the people who introduced him to doping.

Just this afternoon, Landis was spotted in a sponsor's tent taking in the Tour of California's 7th stage time trial, located in Thousand Oaks, CA. He kept his back to the hounding media, and threw yellow-jacketed security officers at the barking crowds.

"Floyd, you suck!" shouted one of Landis' on-lookers. Landis continued to eat his sandwich and stay oblivious to those surrounding him.


The fact that only one dude was brave enough to yell that shocks me. Accuse Lance of whatever you want, the world (except France) knows you're lying. Take one part Albert Pujols, one part Kobe Bryant, one part Alex Ovechkin, one part Peyton Manning, and one part Ronaldinho, and you still don't have the athlete that Lance Armstrong is. Hell, you only have what he's got in his left leg. Proof? Between all five of them, you have 7 championships. Just as many as Lance, and he did it by himself, seven years in a row, on a bike, for over 2,000 miles each time. Boom. Roasted.

In Armstrong's book, he tells a story about when he had to rush his wife to the hospital during her pregnancy. They hit a minor speed bump getting there... Lance was stopped and drug tested. He's untouchable, get off his back.

South Africa: Pool A

Pool A in the 2010 FIFA World Cup promises to offer some solid matchups. The host nation, the last World Cup's runner-up, a perennial threat, and the nation who won the first ever World Cup.

South Africa
France
Mexico
Uruguay

France looks to be the strongest of the pool. Looking at their strikers, Thierry Henry is the standout with 118 appearances and 51 goals in international play. Nicolas Anelka, Chelsea FC striker is right behind him with 64 caps and 14 goals. Chelsea teammate Florent Malouda will lead the midfielder corps boasting 51 appearances.

The second team to come out of Pool A could be a battle. But in my opinion, I have to give it to the host nation. Mexico is a strong team with strikers Cuauhtemoc Blanco (114 caps, 38 goals) and Guillermo Franco (20 caps, 6 goals). Other notables include the midfield threat of Gerardo Torrado with 111 caps, and Barcelona defenseman Rafael Marquez (88 caps, 10 goals). But I don't think there is a home-field advantage quite like that of South Africa. They shocked the world when they held eventual Confederations' Cup winner Brazil to a single goal, and scoring twice in a tough loss to Spain, 3-2.

They only have 3 players on their preliminary roster with over 50 appearances in international play, but this team has more heart than the other three combined. Benni McCarthy, a forward for West Ham United, will look to lead this team with 83 caps and 35 goals. An early exit for the hosts would be simply unacceptable. They are a team with something to prove. Ready the vuvuzelas. It might get loud.

Beware of Dog

ADN.com - NAPASKIAK, Alaska - Authorities say a 3-year-old girl has been killed by a dog in the village of Napaskiak (nuh-PASS'-key-ack) in southwest Alaska.

Alaska State Troopers say Krystal Brink wandered into a dog yard Thursday night and was mauled.

Troopers say the girl had been playing outside a home with other children.

The dog's owner had his dog team tied up when she wandered into the yard. Troopers say in response to the mauling, a member of Brink's family became upset and shot all seven dogs tied in the yard.


Obviously, I don't mean to make light of this story, but don't you think the "member of the family" should've shot only the red dog?

P.S. - I had no idea what to use as a picture for this article, so there's a pretty picture of Alaska with an animal that usually does the mauling.

Abandon Ship

The kids aren't alright in Houston. The Astros are the owners of a League-worst 14-27 record. Roy Oswalt is the bearer of a 2-6 record, and he wants out.

2-6 with a 2.66 ERA, Oswalt has gotten the lowest run support in the National League. He has stated that he is willing to waive the no-trade claus in his contract. He was asked by the Astros' front office whether he was requesting a trade or demanding it, and made it clear that the distinction between the two was of no consequence.

"Roy's contract has a no-trade clause, not a trade-me clause," said Astros' GM Ed Wade. "There is no rule that allows a player in his contract status to demand a trade. So demand, request, hold your breath until you turn blue, it's all the same. It's acknowledged and noted."

Oswalt's not the only one lowering the lifeboat. Lance Berkman has also juggled around the idea of waiving his no-trade clause, although there has been no hard evidence of this becoming a reality.


The Astros have more problems than just 2 guys quitting on them. Everyone around the organization seems to understand why. Clearly you're not going to win if you let your players give up. Brad Mills is in his first year of managing, I get that. They just had bad luck the first 7 games, fine. Every team has a rough patch. You let yourself get down, then kiss it goodbye, folks. Oswalt wants to be traded? Cry me a river, Roy. Get your ass back out on that mound and throw the ball. If your team isn't scoring any runs, then don't let the other team score any either.

And the Big Puma is all that's left of what was once good about baseball in the city of Houston. The Killer B's, man... You're the last one. Why don't you help out Oswalt and get both of your asses in gear. The buddy system, guys. Come on.

Wow

NIKE WRITE THE FUTURE - FULL LENGTH VERSION @ Yahoo! Video

If those 3 minutes don't get you pumped up for the World Cup, I don't know what will. 20 more days of waiting til South Africa 2010. In the next few weeks, I'll be blogging on who I think will come out of the pools, as well as other stuff surrounding the Cup.

Go World.

Valley Warrior's Movie Clip of the Week

-KG

Episode 3: Axe Cop

Complete Episode

In this week's installment, Axe Cop and Dinosaur Soldier find themselves in a bind, and seek out a job to pay for their superhero expenses. Little do they know, this job has more to offer them than just a dental care plan. It will change the very dynamic of the duo, and even change one of them completely!

Things appear to be going smooth until Telescope Cop and Uni-Baby pay a visit. What will happen? I hope nothing too anti-climactic!

Birthday Shout-Out

Mr. T's birthday today, everyone. For everyone who is expecting me to incorporate an "I pity the fool" in some witty fashion into this write-up, not happening. That's why we have imaginations. But seriously, happy birthday to you, Laurence.

I Heart Prokhorov

This guy, right?! Made his fortune in Russia by selling stonewashed jeans. A few years and a few dollars later, he bought the New Jersey Nets for half a billion dollars.

Third pick in the NBA Draft isn't really what Mikhail Prokhorov, the 6'8" Russian owner of the Nets was looking for. So what is Prokhorov looking for? His team to become a global dynasty, to turn his team into an international powerhouse and win an NBA Championship within the next 5 years. Oh, and to have lunch with Jay-Z. Well, at least you can check that last one off the list. His latest endeavor?

"Let me ask you some questions. What about the name of the team? Is it okay, the Nets? Or do we have to try to find something new? I'm a foreigner, you know. I need your piece of advice. I can put Russian name and nobody knows what it is. I can put the name of a girlfriend and every time I change, I need to change the name of the team."

Talking to a group of reporters in Manhattan, he joked around and spitballed with the idea of re-naming the team. I'd love to see him bring in some real Russian stuff for the name. New Jersey Svedkas. New Jersey IvanDragos. Possibilities are endless!

"Never, Ever Date a Flyers Fan"

ESPN.com - This, perhaps, was not the best way to treat a visitor.

When veteran Montreal hockey writer Pat Hickey went out to his car after Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals Sunday night, he found that fans had covered his car with trash, slashed one of the tires and stolen his Quebec license plates.

Curiously, they also ripped a bug guard off the front of the car, a 1999 Honda Accord with about 351,000 miles on it.

"Obviously it was a bit disturbing," Hickey told ESPN.com Tuesday morning, hours before the Flyers and Canadiens face off in Game 2 of the series. The Flyers lead the series 1-0 after crushing the Canadiens 6-0.

Hickey, one of the deans of Canadian sportswriting, has been covering hockey and baseball in Philadelphia for more than 20 years, and said he's never had any problems before.

"I'm a little surprised. A little disappointed," he said.

Hickey, 66, spent most of Monday trying to find a police station to file a report that he hopes will allow him to re-enter Canada on Wednesday, sans license plates.


Hey, look. As far as I'm concerned, this totally makes the Bruins anti-Flyers posters acceptable. First of all, the Flyers trashed the Canadiens in the first 2 games of the series, what the hell is there deal? That's like beating a paraplegic in a "how many limbs" contest, and then proceeding to trash talk him. Come on.

Big Papi's Top 5 Movies

Sean "The Mayor" Casey interviews David Ortiz on his top 5 all-time movies. Gotta love how Ortiz still can't say the word "analyze," but that's alright. 2 points for a Rambo movie in the top 5, Papi,

Laser Show. Relax.

Remember Pedroia's quote from about 3 weeks ago talking about the slump that David Ortiz was in?

"He's had 60 at-bats, I mean a couple years ago I had 60 at-bats and I was hitting .170, what happened? Laser show. Relax"

With 53 at-bats in the month of May, Ortiz is hitting .358 with a slugging percentage of .774. Papi's had 7 home runs with 17 RBI since the month got underway. Sox open up a 3-game series against the Philadelphia Phillies tonight in Citizens Bank Park. They're riding a 3-game winning streak including the 2-game sweep of the Twins, thanks to the complete game gem tossed by Jon Lester.

Go Sox.

THIS JUST IN...

LIL JON WILL NOT BE BUYING AN IPAD.

"[It's] just the latest toy. I already have a big computer," says the 38-year old rapper/producer.

"I ain't going to buy no iPhone," because Lil Jon will be sticking to his Sidekick. Why? It "types really fast." When asked about buying a BlackBerry, he claimed his thumbs were too big for the buttons.

I love this. Someone actually asked Lil Jon about this, and Lil Jon actually had an interview over what is clearly a hot-button issue. Why can't more celebrities spit out gold like this?

Only The Yankees...

NYTimes.com - The Boston Red Sox placed Josh Beckett on the disabled list Wednesday, a move that appears to undermine any hopes the Yankees held of succeeding with their protest.

Manager Joe Girardi was upset Tuesday night that Red Sox reliever Manny Delcarmen received unlimited time to warm up during the fifth inning of the Yankees’ 7-6 loss after Beckett was pulled because of what Boston later announced as tightness in his lower back.

The Yankees claimed that the Red Sox did not tell the umpiring crew about the injury to Beckett, who missed his last start with back spasms, before making the pitching change. The Yankees filed their protest Wednesday, and M.L.B. has five business days to review the situation and render a decision, which would come from Bob DuPuy, baseball’s president and chief operating officer.

If the protest is upheld, the game will revert to the fifth inning with the Yankees leading, 5-0.

Since 2005, there have been five formal protests, with Girardi filing the most recent one, last June 21 in Florida. It was overruled.


You have absolutely got to be kidding me. They can't handle losing to the Sox for a game, so they go and cry to Selig about it. Get over yourself, Girardi. I'm sorry you're a little girl and don't like to wait out in the rain, but if the 30,000 Yankee fans at the game didn't protest, then why the hell would you? Beckett got hurt, crucify him. Just relax.

Yankees suck. Go Sox.

What A Cannon

Mat Latos, pitcher for the San Diego Padres was shagging fly balls in the outfield during Padres batting practice yesterday when he went to toss a ball to some fans, and accidentally tossed in out of AT&T Park. First of all, that's an absolute bomb over the Coke Bottle Slide and Giant Glove in left field. Secondly, that ball will now cost him $1,200 in damages to the sunroof of Giants' announcer Dave Flemming's car.

The ball apparently flew over the fans' heads, bounced off the concourse, and straight into a parking lot. The more ridiculous part of the story is that, beat writer for the San Jose Mercury News, Andrew Baggarly, reported that Latos intentionally threw the ball out of the park.

"If I get [a bill], I'll be glad to write a check. And I'll be sure to write [Flemming] a note, too, let him know I did not do it intentionally. San Francisco fans, I think that's kind of a personal attack towards me just because of the rivalry."

An even better quote?

"You know what? You can think whatever you want. You're not going to bother me. If you want to say I threw it 501 feet like somebody said, and I threw it over a [giant] Coke bottle [beyond the left-field seats], hey, I'll take it. It means I threw a ball 501 feet. How many people you know who can throw a ball 501 feet? They can think whatever they want, I don't care. I didn't do it intentionally."

Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Baseball Tonight Discusses

Maybe he was injured, maybe he just wasn't trying. In either case, telling the media that your manager doesn't know what you're going through because he hasn't played in the majors is downright stupid.

Hanley Ramirez, shortstop for the Florida Marlins is in some serious hot water after looking mediocre at best on the field during a game Monday against the Arizona Diamondbacks. After missing a blooper over his head, Ramirez booted the ball past left fielder Chris Coghlan and proceeded to "jog" after it. To say that Ramirez put any effort into going after it would be giving him far too much credit. After the inning, manager Fredi Gonzalez pulled Ramirez from the game. It seemed like a mix of Ramirez being punished for his lackadaisical play and because of the foul ball he took off his shin an inning earlier, but in the locker room after, Ramirez was very apparently upset by the benching.

He ripped into his manager to the media saying that because Gonzalez had never played in the Majors, that he did not know what he was doing taking him out of the game. The words rubbed not only Gonzalez the wrong way, but other Marlins' players.

“Everybody is entitled to have a bad day, no matter who you are. Everybody has a bad day. But I don’t think a bad day comes from not hustling. That can’t be stood for. When you’re having a bad day, you can still hustle.”

Wes Helms, third baseman for the Fish had that to say of Ramirez after the incident.

Eventually, Ramirez came to his senses. Maybe he did that on his own, or maybe it was because his manager said he would not play until he gave a full apology to everyone involved.

"I regret that all this has gotten so ugly," Ramirez said to an ESPNDeportes.com reporter. "It wasn't my intention to create a distraction. I feel bad that things got to this point; the team and the fans don't deserve it."


Hanley Ramirez is one of the best young players in the game today, there's not doubt about that. But how stupid do you have to be to not only be lazy on the playing field, but then to trash talk your manager? If you're a professional athlete making millions of dollars, and you're going to bitch and moan about riding the pine for a few innings, then give me a freakin' uniform, and you're not gonna hear a peep out of me.

New Direction

I'm looking to make this blog as legit as possible, and I set up an account so I can hopefully make some money by advertising random websites and things like that. So even if you don't read any of this, at least like, click one of the ads or something and pretend like you care.

Look, I don't have a job, I need to do something here.

Papelbon 50/50 Raffle

Even when he gets the job done, you still lose some sleep over it.

The Sox split with the Yankees in the latest 2-game series in the Bronx. After trailing the entire game, mostly by 5 runs, the Sox came back in the first game, only to see their lead squandered by Papelbon, giving up two 2-run shots to Alex Rodriguez and Marcus Thames (the walk-off).

Last night the Sox trailed most of the game by, surprise, 5 runs, but were able to turn it around against all odds and against Mariano Rivera. Papelbon came in for the ninth, and of course had to give up a run to make the game that much closer, but the came away with a save and a Sox victory.


As much as I want to, I can't give up on the Red Sox. They're finally starting to show a few signs of life, and Tacoby Bellsbury is coming back any day now. They're playing the Twins right now as I'm writing this, with Ortiz up in a big spot with 2 men on in the first. Scratch that, he popped out to left field.

Go Sox

Infomercial Of The Week

I double-dog dare the shit out of you to find a better informercial. The confidence, the description, it just makes you wonder, doesn't it?

P.S. - SCHNEIDER...LENS.
P.P.S - No, I triple-dog dare you

LeBron's Mom Has Got It Goin' On?

Gather.com - In the wake of the Cavaliers surprising ousting at the hands of the Boston Celtics, a rumor with serious legs has made the rounds on the Internet. The rumor states that Delonte West has been sleeping with Gloria James, LeBron James' mother, and LeBron found this out before Game Four of the second round series. Now, I'm not inclined to read everything I read but it is spreading like wildfire, and Terez Owens, where the rumor originated, is known for being very credible. Then you take a look at how West's minutes dropped off a cliff after Game 4 and you can't help but wonder..

That is fan-TASTIC! As if Sportscenter isn't talking about LeBron enough, this rumor comes flying out. Unfortunately there's no solid evidence for the rumor, but it's at least gotta be like an "Around the Horn" topic. Woody Paige would have a field day with that.

Sorry

Just watched 'Shutter Island', and I was not a fan. Sorry everybody. Like I get the whole (SPOILER ALERT, OMG) he's crazy thing, yada yada yada, but it just drags out for way too long, it's really jumpy, I mean, I don't know. Not Marty's best, you know? It's no "Casino." Or "Goodfellas." Or "The Departed."

Not even very entertaining, either. I was looking at the screen puzzled as all hell. My bad, everyone.

Birthday Shout-Out

Happy Birthday to Boyd Tinsley. That's all.

P.S. - Try to tell me he doesn't look like Clifford from the Muppets Tonight...

Dude, You Got a Dart in Your Neck

It's seriously like watching them play with tranquilizer darts lodged in them. The Bruins, once up 3-0 on the Flyers, were forced into a game 7 scenario last night with the Flyers winning on their home ice, 2-1.

Tomorrow (Friday) will be back in the Hub, where the Bruins will look to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals and face their rivals, the Montreal Canadiens who await after beating the Pittsburgh Penguins in a brilliant 7 game series.

Let's Go B's

Rollin' The Dice

Daisuke Matsuzaka finally showed Sox Nation that he can still play with the big kids. In his third start this season, Matsuzaka caged the Toronto Blue Jays for 7 innings, allowing just 3 hits and 1 run while striking out 9 batters, one below his career high.

On the offensive side, Varitek, Drew and Pedroia each had a pair of hits, with Varitek having the lone home run of the game, his sixth of the season.

Sox go for the sweep and look to remain perfect against the Jays this afternoon, as Tim Wakefield comes out of the bullpen and into the starter role to face Shaun Marcum.

Go Sox.

Sox Win 9-3

In the finale of the three game series at Fenway Park between the Sox and the Yanks, the Sox swung open the coffins with a 5-run third inning and take the game, 9-3. The Red Sox seemed to be banging on all cylinders, with the bats going, and Jon Lester giving them a solid 7 innings en route to his third victory in a row. Hermida hit his 4th home run of the season, ending the game with 3 RBI (19 total).

The Sox go again tonight in The Chapel with John Lackey facing Brandon Morrow in the first of three games against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Get Rid of "The Mondays"

So I can't actually embed the video, but the picture above should give you a hint as to what the link below is all about.


Get at me

Oh No You Did NOT Just Do That

Associated Press - The victim might have forgiven the woman who ran him down in a Massachusetts crosswalk, but police haven't.

Police say a Pittsfield woman has been cited for running down a man named Lord Jesus Christ as he crossed a street in Northampton on Tuesday.

The 50-year-old man is from Belchertown. Officers checked his ID and discovered that, indeed, his legal name is Lord Jesus Christ. He was taken to the hospital for treatment of minor facial injuries and later released, according to the local paper, The Republican.

Christ was in a marked crosswalk at the time of the accident, Capt. Scott Savino told the paper.

Police say 20-year-old Brittany Cantarella was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.



Everyone's been driving along and hit a person or an animal once or twice in their life, no big deal, right? I'm not so much bothered by the sheer irony of the situation as I am by the fact that someone in Belchertown, MA, ACTUALLY named their son that 50 years ago.

If You Can't Stand the Heat...Drive to the Fire Station

Associated Press - Truck on fire? Forget calling 911. Craig Brown of Carlton just drove a few more blocks to the McMinnville Fire Station when smoke started to billow from under the hood of his pickup. McMinnville Fire Marshal Eric McMullen said a firefighter who'd been outside Friday morning washing an ambulance rushed inside to get help.
Firefighters opened the hood and found flames licking around the engine. They quickly grabbed a hose and put out the fire.
McMullen said the crew was happy to be able to help without leaving the station. And he adds, "We were joking today about our new drive-up service."



Look, all I want to know is why aren't the agents of every big-shot Hollywood actor (i.e. Nicolas Cage, Paul Walker) calling this crazy bastard up to do some stunts?!? At least a producer or SOMEONE has to get their hands on those digits. This guy is the real deal.

THIS GUY

Big ups to Dallas Braden, for throwing the most recent perfect game in the universe. Just the 19th time in baseball history a perfect game has been tossed.

Braden tossed 109 pitches, striking out just 6 batters in the 9 inning performance. As if it isn't an accomplishment as is, he did so against the red-hot Tampa Bay Rays. Last Mother's Day, Braden didn't quite have the same luck. He was hit by a line drive off the bat of Vernon Wells and exited the game early.

Sadly, Braden's performance was only seen in person by 12,228, but his grandmother was in attendance to see the feat.

Infomercial Of The Week

Mmhmm... Oh, and see if you recognize the narrator's voice.

Let's See What You Can Make of This

I mean, I'm all about it, but am I?

Are you? I take issue with some of the dialogue as well. Its like this commercial was directed by J.J. Abrams or something...

Go Green

So the Celtics are down 2-1 to the Cavaliers in the second round of the NBA Playoffs. I'm not a huge NBA guy, so you're not going to see a lot of coverage of the C's, but if they reach the finals, I'll be riding that bandwagon like A-Rod rides Jeter on an off-day.

The reason I'm writing this one is to say that the Celtics are screwed. KG got 19 points with 4 rebounds, and Rondo got 18 points with 8 assists...but that LeBron clown got 38 points, 8 rebounds, and 7 assists. LeBrown > Celtics. Now, I'm in the same boat as most of you, F%@$ LeBron. But as far as I'm concerned, the NBA is on the same level as the WWE or Puff Daddy: It's all about the Benjamins. Two of the biggest teams in the NBA, this thing is going to go seven games. And more people love LeBron than the 3-way split of KG, Ray-Ray, and Rondo.

So if you want to watch the games go for it...they're probably more interesting than watching the Sox anyway, but find me when this thing goes seven so I can tell you I told you so.

Seriously?

Swept by the Orioles, the Red Sox were in desperate need of some home cookin'. The Sox were reborn in the Dirty Water of Fenway Park, embarking on a 4-game sweep of the Angels in which they scored 36 runs. Their record increased to 15-14, the first time they had had a winning record since Opening Night.

I starting writing this entry just before the start of today's (Saturday's game) and now that I've waited for the conclusion, I'm working to wipe the puke out of my keyboard before the keys get stuck together. Friday night, Beckett has them against the ropes for 3 innings, then pitches like he belongs in our bullpen, giving up 3 runs in the 4th, then another 6 in the 6th. Varitek got injured on a miscommunication over what pitch was being thrown with Beckett, Ortiz finally got a couple RBI, Beltre continued to suck, and the Human Laser Show went 0-5.

Today wasn't much better. The only positives were Darnell and V-Mart going yard for the offense, and on the defensive side, Beltre stayed true to form making his 7th error on the year. At this point, its practically an error every 4-5 games. I'm glad we got you for your glove though, you chump. Buchholz gave up 5 earned in 5 innings and was bailed out by a rain delay. Ramirez gave up a run, which was one more run than the outs he got. Schoeneweis gave up his usual 4 in 1.2 innings. Bard matched his one out with one run, and Jonathan Van Every made his second appearance on the mound, and gave up Teixeira's third bomb of the ball game.

10-3 on Friday
14-3 on Saturday.

Call me when the starting 9 comes back up from Pawtucket.

Game 4: Bruins vs Flyers

Boston took a 1-0 lead late in the first period, but the Flyers scored later to tie it up 1-1. That type of back-and-forth hockey was played for all 60 minutes last night in Philadelphia.

Taking a 3-0 series lead into last night's game, had the Bruins riding high, but their momentum was slowed down by the loss of David Krejci, after taking a hit from Mike Richards in Game 3 and dislocating his right wrist. The Bruins skated well last night, but ran into problems when the Flyers scored 2 goals within 5 minutes from the sticks of Chris Pronger and Claude Giroux. Milan Lucic scored early in the third period on a PPG to knot things up at 3 goals a piece, and then it was like each team had a fire lit underneath them. They skated furiously trying to net the go-ahead goal, and finally with 5:40 left to play, Ville Leino sniped one past Tuuka Rask.

The Bruins knew this wasn't the end. With 5 minutes to go, the Bruins showed why even though they had a rough regular season, they weren't ready to lose again. With 00:32 left, Mark Recchi scored on a wrister from Patrice Bergeron and Dennis Wideman, his second of the game to even the game out at 4-4. In overtime, it was an intense battle that raged on for almost 15 minutes before the previously injured Simon Gagne tipped in the game winning goal just past Rask.

Game 5 will be back in the Garden on Monday, where the B's took first blood from their opponents. One more win will secure a berth into the Conference Finals, a plateau not reached by Boston since 1992.

Back in the Saddle...

So maybe it's been a month and a half since my last blog... my bad, boys and girls. It's the summer, the Sox are struggling their asses off to stay above .500, the Bruins are up 3-1 on the Flyers in the second round of the playoffs, and the Celtics are down 2-1 to the Cavs in the second round. Let's go.

Boston is the center of the universe, so I don't care if you're from Cleveland, Philadelphia, New York or anywhere in between...Keep the Faith.